First Time You Passed

Ok. An interesting question that not only reminded me of happy moments. We all have them. The first moments it happened were probably come of the happiest I ever got to experience. I attribute these three as the first and most defining moments for me.

This paragraph is for those who aren’t trans. A little explanation as to why this is such a huge thing. learning to dress yourself and understand make up can be grueling and scary. My sisters had make up and I knew other girls who did as well but I had no experience. Over the years I have learned to look at starting to come out and living full time as yourself as a form of second puberty. Everything is awkward and embarrassing again. After a while we start to understand it and grow with it just as any teenage girl would. We just have to deal with it later. (most of us. so many young trans kids nowadays but that is another topic.)

The first experience was such a simple moment. It wasn’t anything grand but most straight guys out there will understand its significance. When I was attending the local college I had to walk for 40 minutes to get to the closest bus stop. For some reason the walk never got any easier. My generic mp3 player kept me singing and walking happily as I made my way to the bus stop.

The bus stop was located right next to a 7/11. I would go in and get a bottled water to help my body relax from the long walk. On this day I was walking towards the door when a man in front of me saw me coming and stopped while holding the door open. I smiled happy and said thank you as I passed. He nodded and continued on with his shopping. While I am not a huge fan of the gender stereotypical roles I did find this moment quite endearing. A kind gesture was the beginning of my ability to try and relax in a world that scares me.

A second came as a little more embarrassing moment. Embarrassing but still welcome. I was going to the bank to deposit my check. This was right when they had just added in the debit card machines you swipe your card in to access your account as opposed to the old method of writing everything down on paper.

I swiped my card and thought nothing of it. After a moment the teller informed me I had swiped the wrong debit card. I looked at her a moment confused till she replied you swiped your husbands card. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at the misunderstanding. Even if I could feel my cheeks turning red with embarrassment. There was no way I was going to answer her vocally. Instead Held up my hand and rummaged through my purse for a pen.

Taking the pen out I also pulled the envelop I was still carrying that my check came in. On the envelope i simply wrote. This is my card. I am transgender. Her eyes widened as i smiled at the clear surprise in her face. Though it wasn’t a bad surprise. She smiled and went back to processing my check. Once done I gave my customary thank you. She smiled back and said have a great day.

The third was probably not only the funniest but also the most endearing. Right next to the bus stop was also a subway restaurant. I typically try to avoid spending extra money if I can, but this day I had not eaten and had three classes ahead of me. If I had to eat fast food I could imagine far worse than subway. A boy in his late teens stood behind the counter. I smiled and ordered one of the subs I like. When it came to checking out I gave him my debit card. As usual with most debit/credit cards he asked to see my i.d. card. Hesitant I pulled it out realizing this was one of those moments that could have been really rough. Much like with the bank attendant the boy looked at the card and then to me with a bit of a shock on his face.

What followed surely made me blush but not with embarrassment like before. The boy smiled at me and handed me back my card. You look much better now. Is what he said as he returned my card. Now that I think of it I think this was my first ever flattered moment. I could feel my smile go ear to ear as I said thank you. He nodded. I am sure he said more but I honestly cannot remember what it was. lol. I was so blown away by his comment I said thank you and left the store feeling like I had just been declared a beauty queen.

Silly to feel that way I am sure but when you doubt and are scared of the world around you this is the kind of information you need. Not so much the flattery and the reassurance but the acknowledgement that it is no big deal. These moments have helped define me and warm me to the world that I have grown ever so fond of since I decided to live full time.

If anyone would like to share their experience in the comments I would love to hear them. 🙂 After all it is better to share the happy moments. The bad have their place as well but we need to remember to smile and be happy.

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One thought on “First Time You Passed

  1. i always enjoy reading your work but this one has such an openness about it that i will read it several times. Anyone who is trans can truly empathize/ appreciate your memory. Please write more.

    Liked by 1 person

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