Probably not the best of titles but when you read this you will understand why I chose it. I have spent the last 14 years becoming the person I am today. from chosing clothing styles to how I present myself. Right down to the fact I have lived more than a decade as a stealth trans woman. Yet so much was locked away from me due to the issue of having no money.
While I have lived in stealth for over a decade I have never once started hormones or been able to change any of my papers to match who I am. these are issues that scare me from doing so much in view of the public.How I made it through college is still a shock to me. Yet here I sit. A changed woman who is about to take steps into a future she had thought unobtainable.
A few months ago I was finally able to change my gender marker on my drivers liscence. I sat in my car looking at the piece of paper with an F instead of an M and just cried. I was so happy! I never knew it was possible to feal so happy over something so small. A smile never left my face as tears flowed down my cheeks. the hurdle that scared me most through college was gone. sure I picture was horrible but thats a drivers liscence for you.
I forgot to mention. There is a reason I am posting this today. In one month I go see my new doctor about starting hormone therapy. another thing I never thought would be possible. Yet here it is staring me in the face. It’s funny to know I am so excited about a concept such as a second puberty. I know the first one was akward and lackluster to say the least. Watching other girls get breasts and wearing cute outfits (as well as dealing with periods) while I was watching hair grow all over me and wearing heavy t-shirts and jeans to hide what felt so wrong to me.
I don’t regret my past at all, but I love the fact I am now able to do things I’ve felt for so long in my childhood. In one month the six year old who laid in bed staring at the moon wishing (sometimes in tears) to be a girl will get her wish. Or at least the start of it anyways. I know hormones are unpredictable but I will gladly take what they offer. Even if I’ve already been me outwardly to the world.
A lot of questions cross my mind regarding the coming use of hormones. I’ve researched everything they can do both good and bad. Nothing has really made me concerned. With my loving partner by my side I welcome things to come.
I grew dark and negative shortly after I started this blog. News started scaring me and I let everything get to me. I told myself I wouldn’t return until I had positive things to share. So here I am. Your friendly neighborhood stealth trans woman taking on a world that is in and if itself in the middle of an identity crisis.