Traveling when Trans

With this mornings upsetting news about North Carolina. I want to share my thoughts on the subject of traveling while being transgender. I have traveled quite a bit as I have both transitioned and lived my life as the woman I always was. I don’t think this is a topic many people think about when stuff like Indiana and North Carolina happen. Before i start I want to include Georgia in the list of states that are making headlines for creating such oppressive laws.

I have traveled to many states over the last ten years. It is something that can be exhilarating and quite scary at the same time. Traveling while trans however makes what can already be a unsure situation absolutely scary.

I would like to start with a trip I took about seven years ago to Arizona. I was travelling with a friend to meet up with a friend of hers who had moved there a few years prior. The traveling wasn’t much of an issue. We did our usual routine of listening to music and talking about who knows what. The last thing on my mind at the time was what people might have thought about me. That is how it should be.

To say the least Arizona was a nightmare publicly. I have yet to be in another state that made me feel as awkward as that one. People there have no problem giving stares at anyone they don’t feel is right. After we met up with her friend we decided to go out for the night and enjoy ourselves. We stopped and grabbed some food first. They were busy catching up so it allowed me to eat and just kind of hang out. I would join the conversation if I had something to say but otherwise I left them to it.

After dinner we went from bar to bar trying to find anything going on. This is where things fell apart completely for me. When a bar is involved the standard needing proof of identification comes in to play. The dread was felt every place we went as I saw the unpleasant faces of those who would look at me and read my I.D.. The last bar was the worst. The bouncers were police officers. One would think this would be a good thing. I am sure they do a good job of making sure nothing happens at the clubs. The look on the cop at the doors face when he saw me said it all. I was not welcome there. They made sure I knew it as well.

As my friend and her friend went in in front of me I waited for the cop to check out my I.D.. With a scowl now on his face he silently handed me my card and waved me in. Had that been the end of it I could have dealt with the insecurity of it. A quick glance behind me revealed he had waved a second cop over and was talking about me. Both of them had their eyes glued to me as they spoke. They didn’t hide it in the least.

Quickly I caught up with my friend hoping I would be left alone with people around me. They asked if I wanted a drink. I graciously refused knowing that would inevitably lead to needing to use the restroom. If those cops were still watching me there was no way they would let me go to the bathroom peacefully.

A moment of curiosity washed over me as I was trying to be sure things were as they seemed. I excused myself from the table and tried to find a place to stand where I could see the live band playing from. Everywhere i went i could see the blue shadow of a uniformed officer. His uniform was almost black against the dimly lit club. The stage lights made him stand out. Realizing there was a upstairs with a balcony to see the stage from I went up the steps.

To do so I had to pass the main door again. the cop at the door watched as I passed. I could see him nod to my follower as he rounded the steps to proceed upstairs as well. My heart was pounding at this point. My friend hadn’t noticed a thing the whole time. I don’t think she even saw me go upstairs. If something happened then to her I would have just disappeared.

The upstairs balcony was pretty empty. I remember I started to panic at the lack of patrons up stairs. If the cop wanted he could have easily made my night a nightmare then and there. I walked up to the balcony overlooking the stage. In the weird design of the club I laughed realizing the band was so far back their heads were cut off by the front of the ceiling.

Even though I couldn’t see them properly I stood there a few moments. I could feel the cops eyes on me the whole time. After a few minutes I looked around the upstairs area. There were three people sitting at a table on the far side. Beyond them it was just the cop and I.

Terror was getting the better of me. Worse yet it was making me have to go to the bathroom. All that pressure on my bladder was having a very negative effect. Deciding I couldn’t take it anymore I came up with a plan to leave upstairs. It was probably more than I needed to do but I wanted the cop to realize I was aware he was following me.

I turned around and walked straight to him. The moment I faced him he tried to focus else ware but I knew better. I walked up to him and smiled as much as my terrified body could. I asked him if there was a proper place from where I could see the show. His look said it all once again. The fact I was even talking to him disgusted him. Without saying a word he shook his head no.

I smiled even wider and said thanks. I excused myself back down stairs as fast as I could without looking like I was trying to run. I made it back to my friend who was still chatting with her friend. He was waiting for something to catch me on. if i was lucky that was all he was doing. Even then I could imagine far worse things than a false arrest. I saw him come downstairs a few minutes after I did.

Needless to say I didn’t use the restroom till we got back to her friends house. By then the pain was unbearable. Every stabbing pain in my stomach reminded me of the fear that the night had given me. We couldn’t leave to go home fast enough. I never said a word though. I wasn’t about to ruin her trip because of this. I did tell her after we got back but that was it.

I share this memory as a look inside what it is like to travel as a trans person. To say the least I get nervous when the idea of traveling becomes an option. Thoughts of what the people are like, are they super judgmental? I do love to travel, but with the climate the way it is for LGBT people I cant see myself doing so that much. I am proud of the large companies who take stances against these barbaric laws. They have so far been the biggest road block for such bills.

All these fears happen every time I travel. I wish I had something more witty to end with but this cold hard truth is all I have. I may be brave and travel, but the truth is I am aware each state comes with its own set of rules and regulations for people like me. I can tell you this for sure. I have a list of states I will never set foot in again. At the top? Arizona.

Bathroom Use

I was going to wait till after the Easter break to bring up this particular issue, but it seems another state has used the same tired fear speeches to successfully create issues for their transgender people to not be allowed our basic human right.

North Carolina passed a bill in an emergency session that made it’s way to the governor just as quickly to be signed. He did so. The bill was the standard trans people must use the restroom of their gender marked on their birth certificate. In some tweets posted yesterday Governor Pat McCrory stated

“I signed bipartisan legislation to stop the breech of basic privacy and etiquette,ensure privacy in bathrooms and locker rooms.”

It was followed immediately by another tweet.

“Ordinance defied common sense, allowing men to use women’s bathroom/locker room for instance. That’s why I signed bipartisan bill to stop it.”

There are many scary things about this whole situation. The fact that the session was called quickly and under the radar of most of its people. The speed in which it made its way to the Governor to sign. Even what he kept calling the bill. He referred to it in both tweets as the bipartisan bill. Doesn’t that just scream we didn’t want you know know what we were doing? It is so vague.

House Bill 2, the Public Facilities Privacy & Security Act is what it is really called. It was designed to stop local governments from deciding if it is okay for transgender people to use the bathroom/ locker rooms of their true genders. In the end the state government took the rights of not only its people but the localized government and said this is how it will be.

I have seen more of these bills come and go over the last few years. They are on the rise and it doesn’t look like they will be slowing down any time soon. The same tired fears are used to scare people in to thinking they are in danger. After all you should never waste a good fear. The fear in question is that it will give sex offenders the ability to go in what is protected space to get after their targets.

I have said this every time one of these happens. This has nothing to do with transgender people. This is a straight issue involving very messed up people. Yet their only answer is to lump transgender people (this goes for both trans men and women) in to the category of sex offenders.

If you were to ask and trans person they would agree that such acts of violation are horrendous and have no place in a civilized culture. We are as susceptible to such crimes as any other person. As some one who has suffered from sexual assault and abuse I often scream the loudest when these events are reported. But to disgrace an entire community in the name of “protecting”other people is insane. We should be protecting everyone. So this bills logic is flawed. By the way. Where was my protection?

You want to fix the assault problem. That is fantastic. I stand behind trying to find ways to stop assaults whole heartedly. We need more harsh punishments for the committers. Punishing a group that has nothing to do with the problem is honestly just as vile as the offences they are trying to protect against. There are plenty of trans men and women out there who pass. We walk among the regular world all the time. You want some one who passes to be in the wrong rest room and feel the same fear that you are scared others will feel?

As I said earlier this bill is nothing new. The fact they pushed it through so fast and so head strong is. We have seen anti LGBT bills over the last few years cause major repercussions for their states. Indiana stands as a shining example that the modern world is tired of religious influence on bills. Religion does not dictate out country. We live in a country of religious freedom. Land of the free and the home of the brave. That is a wonderful thing and should be respected. But when we all have to go out in public and be civil. Neither side should be able to dictate to the other how to “properly” live.

I could go on and on with this subject. What it boils down to for me is two things. One. Strict punishments and repercussions for those who commit such deplorable acts. I personally am for the most severe punishments possible for those who violate the rights of other.

Two, own up to what you are really pushing. Bills designed to segregate and discriminate against groups of people you clearly know nothing about. I think I would be less angry if these people would just say I am anti LGBT and this is my concern. If some one wishes to dislike another then that is their prerogative. It should be known so others can judge you for who you are just as you secretly judge those you lie to.

Life has its funny moments

There are always many triggers in our lives that will remind us of the past. Key elements that stick out as either really good or really bad. I have my share of them just as any one else does. I don’t know if I just don’t pay attention anymore or if I am just slowing down. Either way I just found myself smiling at a little bit of the past.

My coming out was pretty much a disaster. While I don’t want to go over a lot of it in this post. I will say it was full of sadness, drinking and all around sense of loss. I had turned to the few friends I thought were close to me for support.

One of the things we found ourselves doing to pass our time and relax was playing video games. They didn’t have many and I had no access to mine at the time. I remember two games specifically that we would play often. It was either that or our aimless travels around the city.

The reason I even write this is because one of the games has come back in to my life. It was a cute and energetic game by the makers of Rock Band. I have had the game in my possession for the last 24 hours. I didn’t even realize what it was till I was cleaning it. I will be going in to more of my coming out experience at a later time. When I realized what it was I remembered many nights we would play it trying to beat each others high scores.

A lot about that particular point in time has been marred by negative events and feelings. That will happen with such events. But that is not what this is about. This is about a happy point in those times. Sure I had lost pretty much all of my normal life and was lucky to have a friend to offer a safe place to stay. We still played the games and had a great time doing so.

Not totally sure what I was getting across with this blog other than the expression of a happy memory. It is too easy to forget the good times and dwell on the bad. Especially in this era. I am glad to have another reminder in my life that even at life’s worst I still had happy moments.

Stealth Trans Dating

“Update” I am adding this update while laughing about it. I feel I should mention I am in no way a relationship expert (no such thing). I am not a professional in really any field. lol. This is all just my persons opinions and views.

This is a subject I used to wrestle with. What makes it worse is there are no clear answers and what is right and wrong can change depending on the scenario. What can be right with one person will be totally wrong with the next. That is to be expected no matter who you are.

The title of this post pretty much asks the main question right away. As a stealth transgender person how do you approach the subject with a potential partner. Their are no right answers. I have been both upfront with potential partners from the past as well as I withheld it till I was comfortable. Both ways have wielded positive and negative results.

I think the best answer I have to give for this question is get to know who you are talking to. We live in a wonderful era of the internet and talking to some one for a while before meeting them is quite common. I have met many people over the years over the internet and then in person. It is a great way to get to know some one and learn what red flags are there.

When I was younger I used to think things would just click when I met some one and I would fall in love and be happy. I thought the idea of putting restrictions and personal wants in the mix of finding a potential partner would restrict my search and possibly deny me the love I sought. From what I experienced I was completely backwards in thinking. By not having thoughts of what would make me happy in a relationship I opened myself up to let down and even emotional/physical abuse at the hands of those I thought I loved.

Is it wrong to keep this kind of secret from some one? That depends on the situation. If you are just talking with some one and everything is casual then what harm is there? However, if you are already flirtatious and things are starting to get heated then it may be time to discuss this. The longer you go with a potential partner without telling them then the more likely it will end in distrust and disaster. If you are both already talking and thinking of things in a more intimate nature then it’s safe to say you trust each other enough to wish to actually be physical. Don’t let something like this actually break that already built trust.

How many dates is okay before you tell them? This is another one up for debate. Naturally the sooner you tell some one the more relaxed you will feel. There is a stress lifted when your partner knows the everything about you. (This comes from my personal experience). My answer is almost the same as the last question. If you can tell things are going really well and a bond is forming then it might be time to tell them.

I know by now there will be some straight people who feel i am advocating for other trans to “lie” to potential partners. This is one of those interesting points you hear about from those who don’t trust the trans community. I understand their point. That being said, it is not a lie. Men don’t walk up to women and start a conversation with i have an eight inch dick uncircumcised. Women don’t meet a man and go here is my cup size and I have extremely large Labia. If they do then I would have to question their interest in a regular relationship anyways.

Trans people are not lying to you. They are not coercing you in to something you wouldn’t normally chose. You have every right to say that you are not interested when the time comes. If the time comes. This particular issue always reminds me of that old joke that straight people never want to think about dating the same sex but quite often will gloat that their same gender counterparts think they are attractive. A mentality I think I can gladly say I do not understand.

One key think I feel is important is don’t feel obligated to tell everyone you go out with right away. If you feel the issue is that detrimental to the situation then I would have to ask if that is a relationship that can flourish at all. If you have real reason to doubt the potential partner then it is a bad situation to begin with. Though we live in better times now. There are still lots of people who aren’t okay with trans people. This is the number one reason to be aware of the people you are interacting with.

There is also the possibility that you will meet the person and there will be no sparks. Sure your casual conversation is good but it’s more of a friend type situation. If they are better a better friend than a partner then there need to know your personal details is not there. Especially if you are stealth. Now if they become a close friend (I am still referring to a non sexual relationship) you might consider telling them. Depends on how comfortable and close you become. I have many friends I have never told.

I share these personal feelings on the subject because there are many times in recorded past that people who are trans have met with grim fates because of coming out to potential partners. While the grim side of it falls mostly to Trans Women who date Men, it be an issue for all other sides as well.

I am sure by reading this far you have already figured out what I am about to say but the key is to get to know who you are dealing with. I know as a trans person in this world, it can feel like meeting anyone who doesn’t see you as a fetish or a freak can seem daunting. At least that was a good portion of the people I met back when I was actually dating. Those kind of people are not worth your time.

Allow me a cliche of an ending here but it is 100% true. To all my trans brothers and sisters. Never feel bad about who you are. If some one else can’t deal with it then they are not worth your time. Find some one who makes you feel like the wonderful individuals you are. Be loved and be happy.

A Question from the Depths of the Non Educated

One memory that has popped up time and time again since starting this blog is from the early days when I wasn’t so passable. It was an instance as pivotal to me as the day i realized being transgender doesn’t mean I have to like men. It’s a memory that reminds me so few people really take the time to think about all the different types of people there are out there.

The memory starts as a few friends and I leave a department store. We had a lot of free time those days and often spent them traveling from one random location to the next. It was a fun way to just get out and live without taking a huge and expensive trip. None of us had any money so it was the bus or nothing. There was a new person with us that day. One of my dear friends friends. He was your average late teen emo looking kid with the personality to match.

We were walking from the department store to a adjoining video game store to see what kind of games they carried. During the walk there were many questions regarding why I was transgender and how I felt about different things. At the time this was quite commonplace. It was becoming pretty commonplace to hear a plethora of questions from curious parties. Though even at the time i wanted to be stealth. I knew it was better for me to be open since it was something I didn’t really have an option with.

The others stepped away for a moment trying to find another friend who was meeting us there. I stood there with my friends friend as he continued his questions. When he saw the others walk away he leaned in and whispered a question that stuck with me even to this day.

“Admit it. You are like this for the girl on girl action aren’t you.” He was smiling at the thought of my answer. I could see he was expecting me to join him in this odd male fantasy.

The question immediately made me mad. It was one of the worst and most judgmental questions I had ever been asked. It honestly took me by surprise. How does one answer such a pig headed remark? Worse yet was the idea I didn’t want to be rude. I welcomed the questions up till that point but this was to far.

In the end I let out a sigh and proceeded to explain so his horn dog of a mind could understand. Sex does not interest me. It never really has. For me it is all about the mental connection between two people.

I even went further explaining how I was not comfortable with my parts nor did I really like using them. His face said it all. I had to work to keep from laughing at his clear shock. I don’t think he had ever heard anyone say those kinds of things before.

“Then how do you? “he asked trying to wrap his mind around the answers.

I smiled and raised one hand in front of him letting my fingers dance in the wind. With that I saw the others coming back and moved on to the game store. It took them a while to catch up to me afterwards. No doubt they discussed what I said. I stood in the store looking at the games smiling. I had only told a few people that before and they were the closest friends I had at the time.

They joined me in the store and no one spoke of it. At least not till later when my good friend told me how I blew his mind. She already knew this so it was funny to her as well.

It is pretty funny. The assumptions people can make about one another. We presume so much about the people around us just by physical appearance. I honestly don’t think he knew anything about transgender people. His mind could only comprehend the male properties of it all.

This was the only time a question like this was asked of me. To be honest I am kind of glad he did. When he asked I tried to see his side of it. The physical nature of who we are was never that important to me. More so after that question. It allowed me to question myself and understand myself more.

Stealth in Games

While I know video games are not always a favorite subject for many people. They are a big part of my life. I have played them since the days of the Atari 2600. I currently play on the Playstation 4. For me, video games have surpassed the ability of our bloated film industry and still entertain with good characters and creative stories. As long as you stay away from the repetitive franchises.

When we wee younger it didn’t matter who you are. Anyone could pick up a controller and join a game. So when I tried to learn about the world of modern gaming and make friends I was shocked to see how things have changed. What was a fun and relaxing way to spend free time has become a segregated, elitist and circle driven genre.

What is even more bizarre is the belief that women don’t play video games. The numbers are probably five men to every one woman when counting the genders of those who game. It might even be higher, but to say women don’t game is completely invalid. So is it any surprise that LGBT video game players are even further down in the numbers. At least publicly.

I tried my hand at online gaming years ago when the start of the X-Box generation began. Halo 2 was a pretty solid online experience and often lots of fun. Though I played mostly with family and the ability to chat with other players wasn’t there at the time. It wasn’t till Left 4 Dead came out on the X Box 360 that I began to see the truth.Those who play online were often rude and judgmental. A lot of CIS women I knew were being told they sound like children and not women. They were treated as if they didn’t know how to game at all. Often subjected to the most inappropriate comments.

Knowing this was how people online were treating others made me really scared to even try it. My first attempt at  Left 4 Dead on X Box 360 pretty much set the pace for most online interactions. I decided to just go for it. The game was new to me but a lot of fun. It took less than five minutes before I heard the rude comments begin. I left my microphone muted for fear of being judged. I could hear them saying things like stupid girl thinks she can game. It only went on for a few minutes before they decided to kick me out of the game itself.

After that I pretty much ignored the online gaming world. The mentality of most of them was far beyond sophomoric. I have tried the occasional game since and had mixed results. Destiny was often just those who want to flirt with the women players they come across. Titanfall was actually the best when it came to lack of abusive comments. It is to bad the game was so short and lost its appeal real fast.

I used to think it was me. I just didn’t fit in with what the modern video game culture had become. After dealing with it for a while I began to realize this was a really good thing. I preferred games with intricate characters and stories. No online experience ever gave this to me.

And then there was the fact I was stealth. No one I spoke to knew the secret I kept to myself. I was treated as any other woman in the gaming world. Which is what I wanted. After all that is who I am. This tend to make things worse though. I got to see how people were treated. I got to see how women and LGBT were treated and I can honestly say about 70% of the time it wasn’t pretty. Narcissism, over opinionated and judgmental people run rampant. Especially if you happen to beat them at a few rounds.

I love video games. I really do. But it can be really rough for anyone who doesn’t subscribe to the Stone Cold Steve Austin mentality on life. Finding like minded people is crucial. I have met some wonderful people as well as complete jerks.

What makes it harder is the idea of subsets of already segregated groups. In many ways I cant blame them, but I have seen lesbian groups kick any gay men or trans women out because they believe its wrong for them to be there. I have also seen this happen in straight groups as well. Being stealth in these situations has lead to me leaving groups because I cant believe how jaded and hypocritical they can be. I still look for good groups of friends to game with. Inclusive worlds are few and far between.

If I was to offer advice to those looking for friends in the video game world I would say this. Be picky. It is your right to only have those around who you feel are good people. The rest will pull you down. Then again this is a good thing to follow in life in general.

Only thing to fear is fear itself, And Snakes

I am literally writing this just a few moments after I wake up. My hands are still trembling and I can feel my nerves on end over it. Our dreams should comfort us. Then again I don’t have the Best track record of that when I am sick.

I like to think I keep a good control on my nerves and fears. It is something I have to do on almost a daily basis. I have forced myself through many situations and grown much better as a person for it. So I hope that gives you an idea of how I try to deal with things when I say I absolutely cannot stand snakes. I don’t think they are gross looking and I don’t think of them as evil. I don’t even really believe in the concept of evil but that is for another time I think.

They petrify me to my core. The idea of being near one makes my body want to find the quickest way out it can. There are no awww they are cute moments. Recognizing one near me means instead internal fear. I can’t even say it is a fear I am proud of because it happens whether I think about it or not. I have been this way my entire life. I remember many nights as a child that I would end up wetting myself because I was to scared of snakes in the hallway to go to the bathroom.

So why do I say all this? Because last night hurt. My dream was non stop torture not only by the creature in question but by some one I love. At one point a snake was even thrown on me in my dream. I could feel it moving around as I tried to get away. My panic agitating the creature and making it hiss and want to strike. Hearing the laugh of the loved one as they watch me try to squirm free. This is the kind of stuff I don’t wake up easy from.

Very rarely can I read my own dreams. I cant imagine putting to much stock in to them while I am sick. If I did I could only imagine the meanings of half of them. Reading dreams is something I generally only do for other people. I have been really good at it in the past. Even told a girl she was pregnant before she knew. All because of a dream she shared with me.

This dream was basic. It was about fear. Snakes have always represented the worst to me. Mainly because of the fear I have of them. Having some one I love tossing them at me? Simple, I am unsure about things and have my guard up. I am trying to protect myself. Which I eventually did in the dream. I did by putting my phone on the agitated snakes head. The phone has a little weight to it so the creature had trouble moving about. This gave me time to get away. I escaped by myself. My phone being a clear answer of support. An easy life line if you will.

The hardest part of the dream (besides the snakes) was the loved one. They giggled as I panicked and eventually squirmed free. Then walked with me out of where we were. I was shaken but still walking with them. Basic fear of being hurt. and given my emotions as of recent I am not surprised at all this would happen in my dreams. Just wish it was easier. Snakes take a lot out of me. I will never understand the total fear that takes me over. How can I? After all, it is on the subconscious level.

I am scared of being hurt. In the end aren’t we all? After all we all take chances that can either change things for the better or hurt us. It is kind of a part of life. One thing I can say is even as much as I hate snakes they have never stopped me from going after what I want in life. Go big or go home is a saying that comes to mind. One I personally believe in. You should always pursue your goals and dreams. No matter the obstacle or threat.

LGBT playing LGBT

More often than not we hear stories of straight men and women playing LGBT characters in movies and television. For some reason when this happens there is a percentage of people who come out against a straight person playing the role of a LGBT character. My question to them is this. Why?

One of the biggest complaints I have seen is that it takes jobs from LGBT actors. This is probably one of the oddest statements I have ever heard. When it comes to rolls for LGBT people I would be far more worried about playing a stereotype character than not getting a role just because I am what the character is. Up till the last few years. Trans people in cinema and television have typically been street walkers and jokes. While these rolls still happen they would be the last I would want to play. As an actor it is typically far more interesting to search for rolls that expand and stretch our capabilities. Not fit us in to the easy out rolls.

I think one of the best examples of this is the wide work of Neil Patrick Harris. Since his re emergence on the hollywood scene he has played all sorts of different types of characters. Most notably being his character on How I Met Your Mother. He played the roll of Barney quite well and created a stir of fans that loved the insane antics of this womanizing character. All the while living his happily out life with his partner and kids.

Sometimes the casting can work well though. Laverne Cox in Orange Is The New Black was a great casting choice and I couldn’t imagine a straight person (male or female) playing that role nearly as well as she did.

Then there is Jeffrey Tambor in the TV show Transparent. While most of the show is utter garbage and its characters the worst examples of the rich crying because they can. He stands as a great example of a straight man playing a LGBT character and doing it really well. Despite the shows flaws I often understood the emotions he conveyed and it really felt as if he as the character felt everything that was happening to him. Very rarely could I even find fault with the character until the late second season.

One of the funniest complaints I have heard as of late is with the revival of Rocky Horror Picture Show. I do not understand at all the point of casting a transgender person as a transvestite. Especially a male to female Transgender person. It violates the concept of the role. Yes I am walking in to a double standard here but even I am guilty of it. Unless they plan on playing Frank N Furter as a woman dressing as a man. Then I would think the role would work.

I would like to reverse this as well. Why wouldn’t a LGBT actor want to play a straight character? Just because that isn’t who they are off-screen doesn’t mean it will effect them in any way. A role is a role. Especially if it lets you expand the characters you play. No one realized Ellen Degenerous was a lesbian back when she had her 80’s sitcom. Amanda Bearse lasted for years as Marcy on Married With Children as the annoying neighbor who fell for one man after another.

In the end the argument over whether LGBT rolls should go to LGBT people or just anyone is ridiculous. Everyone can try out and anyone can get the part. Granted I am sure there are behind closed door things that happen that I am not aware of. I can only speak for the obvious. Limiting an actors abilities to their personal gender or identity is still trying the hands of the artist. Something I am firmly against.

Pee Wee’s Big Holiday

So amidst everything going on in my life I decided to take a break and check out the new film about a Pee Wee Herman. A character that has been out of the limelight for almost 30 years. While I was not expecting much from the film. I at least expected to be entertained for a hour and a half.

The film follows Pee Wee as we learn he has never left his home town and feels he has everything he need right there. This already bothered me considering the first movie had him traveling all over the place to find his bike. I don’t think the first film was referenced in the second film so I decided screw continuity and just watch. While working at his job a rugged man on a motorcycle (Joe Manganieleo: True Blood, Magic Mike) shows up and they immediately click. They hang out for a little bit then the rugged man tells Pee Wee he is a celebrity from TV. (he is actually playing himself in this film.) He tells Pee Wee he needs to get out of the city and see what life has to offer. As incentive he gives him a birthday invitation for his party in one week.

If this sounds more like a gay love story than just an adventure movie then hold on. This film is essentially a love story to not only Pee Wee but to Joe Mananiello. The plot is pretty linear and follows Pee Wee on this one note quest. There are a few distractions that take place but they leave as quickly as they arrive. This is not entirely a bad thing. Sticking to the main story did make the run time seem really short. Even at an hour and a half the movie didn’t really feel that long.

Paul Reuben’s reprises his character role as Pee Wee and does an ok job. It was amazing to see he could still play the character as well as he did considering how long it had been. While watching the movie I was looking up information on it as I usually do watching movies. Paul Reubens is 63 years old……. To say the least I was stunned. I had no clue he was that old and with that in mind the fact he could even play the character as authentically as he did was amazing.

There are some funny jokes in the movie. They are few and far between but they are there. The ones that are good are laugh out funny. There are also jokes that go on far to long. Had they shortened them they would have been much funnier, but this movie seems to enjoy the idea of stretching jokes out as long as they can.

I don’t want to go on too much about the film itself rather than the information i learned about it afterwards. As I said earlier, the movie is not the best. It could have used a lot of cleaning up in almost all departments other than acting. I found out afterwards this was made as not only a return of Pee Wee Herman, but a little more of an explanation of the character and who he actually is.

This is an interesting point considering the movie is Pee Wee fawning over Joe Mananiello. By the end of the film we see the same is happening in reverse. Joe sits in his bedroom at his expensive party whining that Pee Wee didn’t make it and questions why. There is even a girl who shows up through out the film who goes by the nickname of Pee Wee. It is hinted that she has feelings for Pee Wee Herman but he is to focused on his goal of being with Joe to notice. They do share a kiss during their goodbye but it only serves to add to the confusing nature of the movie.

The reason i bring up these points of the film is the same reason I bring up the film itself. For a movie with such a basic plot, it really doesn’t explain much. Sure it is designed to be a simple adventure, but with the little side points trying to clearly say something this only added to the uncertainty of the stories.

What probably made me laugh the most was the fact you could replace every character in the film with a character in Spongebob and it would have worked. Reuben’s voice as it is now sounds an a lot like Spongebob. Making Pee Wee a restaurant cook did nothing to take away form this feeling. Even his boss felt like Spongebobs. At least they didn’t have a squidward.

I was glad I watched it and enjoyed the occasional laugh it gave me. Fans should give it a watch. If you do please feel free to comment and lets discuss it. I welcome the other thoughts on it. I wonder if anyone will see the same things I got from it. Maybe something entirely different. I would love to know.