Tag Archives: Bathroom

A question left to the bygone days of pop culture news coverage.

Life can be quite funny. Especially when you realize everything runs in trends. What will be relevant one moment and mean the world to some will fall silent as if time itself says you had enough. I have seen this happen many times to many different subjects over the decades. However, now we are left with a passed topic that was not only popular, but affects a small portion of the world, myself included.

If you haven’t figured it out yet I am talking about the great bathroom debate of 2016. What was once daily being spoken of from both sides and found its way in to many governing offices has now gone silent. Understandably so. With the riotous and extremely scary circus that has become our presidential debate how could the eyes of the populous not move to them.

Yet this time it has left a nagging issue for those of us who had our fates being determined by our precious political system. The basic right to use the restroom peacefully is still a question. Will we be arrested if we use the restroom? Will we face recourse from the public for simply answering natures call?

No answers. Just like before. Only this time legal actions have been taken in some places. So thanks to the popularity train no answers were widely reached. The country with the motto liberty and justice for all forgot to tell us that it only happens if the populous cares long enough to make a decision.

This is honestly both a good thing and a bad thing. At least from where I sit. On the positive side there are many states that didn’t bother with the popular debate. They sat quietly allowing people to deal with the issue as it arises. Essentially it is down to the people involved. That is if it even becomes an issue. In this thought alone I feel the loss of the countries eye has been a good thing, but to believe it would be this simple would lead to complete naivete on my own part.

For lack of better term they threw down the gauntlet then walked away. I can’t speak for other but this worries me. Probably more so than if they had actually won in the courts. They bullied Target in to taking back its own ruling. All because of the fear of rape from straight perverts. The opponents of our rights used straight rapists and our children to scare a world in to thinking basically we are dangerous.

What is more perplexing is what the country is also talking about right now. Elitists kids raping women and getting slaps on the wrists for it. I laughed at myself as I watched these events unfolding. All I could think was no wonder people fear the trans community. Rapists get nothing and the poor women who are assaulted are left to pick up the pieces. What kind of justice is that? It actually makes me understand the fear the country has created around people like myself.

After all any man can put on a dress and some make up, claim to be one of us and enter a restroom. Hell the idea of a man in the women’s restroom scares me as well. I understand the idea of safe space really well. There have been times I have found solace in a public restroom from not so lucky encounters.

Then comes the harder thoughts. I have been assaulted. I have had my clothes unwillingly ripped off my body. I have been raped. I went in to a lost state after I realized I could tell no one and trying to cope with my own physical and mental issues lead me to a very depressed state. I tried calling a rape crisis line. I was met with a CIS gender only policy. Family hadn’t been the most accepting of who I am so they were of no help.

So here in lies the problem as far as I can see it. My worth means nothing to this country because I am trans. I get no rights. Or maybe I should say I am not awarded the niceties of our culture because others have lumped trans people like me in with the worst of our species. I would say I get no justice but if CIS women can’t get the help they deserve then I know I am on my own. Even in my stealth a doctor will eventually discover what is underneath. Considering what I have dealt with in regards to this issue over the years staying silent is the only thing I could do. My physical pain healed years ago. I like to think I do pretty good mentally.

My apologies. I am a bit off topic. While it is relevant to my particular case, it doesn’t move the issue along. It is a battle cry I have said many times before. More so over the last year watching rape case after rape case where the attackers are set free. If you violate another human being then you don’t deserve these things. We need more harsh punishments for people (of all genders) who do such heinous acts to anyone. No one should have to go through that. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

So yeah. Bathrooms. My right to pee scares me because I don’t know what my rights are. As a born citizen of this country that scares the crap out of me. I essentially have no real secure rights or protections. Can’t go in women’s restrooms because if I am discovered they can fear I will rape them. Cant go in men’s restrooms because I fear rape myself. Never mind the fact I do not look like a man. Thanks to the attention span of the press and the modern culture trans lives across the country are now left in a heated climate to sort out for themselves what is safe and what isn’t. Kind of like before. But now there is severe animosity.

What I think is actually worse than the bathroom debate not being finished is the cold hard truth the recent news has shown us. Rapists will rape. Whether the world thinks they have access to bathrooms or not. If they want to they will. We are certainly seeing that. So what was really gained by all the fear-mongering over the bathroom debate?

I wish I could leave this post on a happier note. I wish I could say the lack of news or public eye makes it easier, it doesn’t. Keep our brothers and sisters in your thoughts when going in to a restroom. Remember the ease of which you can go freely. No recourse. No hassle. It is a natural right and freedom I don’t share.One that many like me will keep others from living their lives the way everyone else gets to.

A voice in North Carolina

With one of the worst pieces of legislation passed in North Carolina many people have spoken out against its homophobic ramifications. Sure IBM and a few other companies have spoken out against the new law, but it is a trans man that makes me smile the most. He is doing something I think shines a perfect light on the situation that the officials in North Carolina don’t understand.

I wont show his face but i will mention that he has my support and my hopes are with him. With the new law in place, it is now unlawful to use the restroom that doesn’t correspond to your birth certificate. Charlie has posted online that he will adhere to the law as he doesn’t with to violate it. What this does mean is since he was born a woman he is now going to be using the women’s restroom.

What you cant see here is the fact Charlie has undergone hormone treatment for some time. Any idea that he passed as a woman is long gone. Even if he could I am pretty sure the tailored beard would not help anything. So thanks to a new law that was designed to “keep predators out of the bathrooms and make these areas secure” now enforces those who pass as their real gender use the restroom that doesn’t match them.

Charlie will be in the restroom just like any of us. Little girls will see him in there and be lost as to why he is there. what is amazing is what charlie has decided to do in case he is confronted by a woman. He has printed out a card that explains the situation and informs the person with the problem that if they have a problem with it to combat such a hateful law. He has even said he will not give argument to those who confront him. Just a simple handing of the card and off he will go.

This move is not only brilliant, but completely brave and in the face of those who didn’t understand what they were actually doing. If they wanted to protect from sexual predators then they could have found more appropriate ways of doing so. As it stands all they do is bully a group of people who have done nothing but try to live.

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I love what Charlie is doing so much I have begun wondering what I would do if the same type of law would attempt to be passed where I am. I was told before by my therapist that I am a great speaker and would greatly help. That however is not me. I can speak just fine but what does this do for my stealth ability? Is that something worth giving up?

My answer is actually a resounding yes. What better way to prove a point that by pointing out the fact no one has had issues with me and the only reason I would be out is to show that I was thrown in to a rule that shouldn’t even apply to me. I smile as I think of what Charlie is doing. Part of me cant help but smile when i remember when I first started passing. I didn’t realize it at first but it had become apparent pretty fast.

I was in the men’s bathroom at work washing up after a long 8 hours. As I washed my hands a customer opened the door to come in. I could see him stop in the mirror as he saw me. He leaned back and looked at the symbol on the door. He was clearly shocked by my being there. He even waited for me to leave before coming in.

It was actually that day I had to rethink the bathroom situation. So the question stands could I go back in to the men’s restroom. If this is what it came down to where I am then I would say yes. And I would document the whole thing. I even have more ideas. Hopefully I wont need them, but if I do then I can guarantee they will happen. Way to go Charlie. You are an inspiration to me and probably thousands of trans people across the country. It should be interesting to see what happens.